“Adapt or die.”
As many times as we’ve heard it, the lesson doesn’t get easier.
Problem is, we’re human. We want more than just to survive. We want love. We want success. So we fight like hell to get those things. Anything else feels like death.
When we’re dying or have suffered a catastrophic loss, we all move through five distinct stages of grief –
We go into denial because the loss is so unthinkable we can’t imagine it’s true. We become angry with everyone, angry with survivors, angry with ourselves. Then we bargain. We beg. We plead. We offer everything we have, we offer our souls in exchange for just one more day. When the bargaining has failed and the anger is too hard to maintain, we fall into depression, despair, until finally we have to accept that we’ve done everything we can. We let go. We let go and move into acceptance.
I always said I’d be happier alone. I’d have my work, my friends – but someone in your life all the time? More trouble than it’s worth. Apparently, I got over it.
There’s a reason I said I’d be happy alone. It wasn’t ’cause I thought I’d be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It’s easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love and then you don’t have it? What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It’s like dying. The only difference is death ends. This? It could go on forever.