21st December 2015

This happened a few years ago when I was travelling to London. A boring 9-hour flight, the middle seat, a re-read Fifty Shades trilogy on my kindle, and a fresh break off!!!! What an amazing combination for an ideal journey. Everyone seemed to be getting lucky in love, the umpteen number of couples on the plane.

All of a sudden a girl tapped me on the shoulder. She looked like a Thai girl short, chinky eyes, black hair with a far eastern accent. We exchanged pleasantries and introductions. She was from Pattaya, and her name was Mia. She was on her way to London too.

In between conversations, Mia started rummaging through her pockets and handbag. She finally located her keys, “My boyfriend warned me, “she began.

“Great”, I thought someone else who is happily hitched. So, according to her they worked together in Dubai and they were both dating other people. One fine day both of them got dumped and chemistry happened. He was from Kerala and she had met his parents and stayed over at his family house. Her folks knew that she was dating someone.

“What kind of marriage will it be?” I asked.

Her eyes widened “Who’s getting married?” This I hadn’t expected. Would a good Kerala boy live – in with his Thai girlfriend.

She laughed at my confusion. “No, we’re not going to end up together”, she offered as an explanation.

It still made no sense to me. Apparently their cultures dashed far too much. She couldn’t expect him to convert to Buddhism and she was not ready to accept the Christian way of life.

“How can you be so casual?” I had to ask as she spent two hours telling me how much she would miss him.

She shrugged. They always knew it wouldn’t work out. “Why get into it in the first place then?” She shrugged again……………… “I like him a lot and he likes me too,” she said softly. “As long as it lasts, it lasts then we’re done”.

The talk moved on to other things. Salman Khan and even Mahatma Gandhi, but I wasn’t paying attention. What would I rather be? Single and self-piteous or date someone I knew I wasn’t going to end up with. Still no clue. But I hope Mia finds a way to end up with her boyfriend. Strange this LOVE thing.

20th December 2015

132715168Being single for most women especially at 36, when most women think of a husband, home and babies, is a whole lot of moping around and complaining but for me it is living a complete life till the right person comes along.

I broke up almost 5 years ago from a long and steady relationship of 11 years. The relationship had fizzled out and had died a long time back but I still kept lingering onto it for fear of being miserable of dealing with the immense and excruciating pain of losing the most important person in my life.

But once I let go I found the greatest gift of all – Loving myself first. When we love someone, we forget that not only should we always place ourselves first but it is also about being loved back equally. 

Love is eternal, love is meant to make us grow, love is meant to make us safe and secure, love is meant to give us the power to renew us, and most of all love is fidelity. 

Most of us want to ‘get into’ or ‘hang onto’ what we think is love or what gives us immediate comfort because we are scared of facing ourselves alone.

Ever thought how can someone else enjoy our company if we ourselves can’t spend an evening with us alone. Taking a break and being single is a great way to begin the self-healing process. It takes time but I realized that we have to take charge of our lives and most of all get over of being in the constant feeling of being unloved.

Sadly many people enter lifelong relationships where love fades away and it’s nothing but a companionship of conveniences without growing in its inner dimensions. That is something I didn’t want. I want a love that is real, love that is emotionally quenching, love that is  …….. well Love.

And how am I ever going to get all that if I am a walking psychologically disturbed emotional time bomb? I believe that it is unfair to dump our insecurities on an unsuspecting person and then expecting them to quench our love led demands. Ultimately, out of unlimited expectations relationships fall apart and people end up thinking love is a losing game.

It is a difficult but a great feeling by loving yourself, only when you can fill yourself up can you give anyone anything.

God is kind, he will keep sending you love in the form of family, friends, pets, books, work etc. As writer Paulo Coehlo said, “Close the door, change the record, clean the house ………. stop being who you were! Become who you are.”