I believe that this is the burden of adulthood. The fear of losing the people you love, those who you are close to, who are essential in your life, who make you the person you are, and who you think you cannot continue to live without.
There are times I feel I’m just like an imperfect mosaic piece in a world of perfect masterpieces.
How many times have I asked myself – What the hell has happened to me? What was my fault?
I want to move forward, but there is something holding me back.
The one who was supposed to hold me when I fall has turned his back and walked, in fact, ran away.
How much can I blame myself when it isn’t my fault.
I know that I’m beautiful and brave. I have learnt to love myself. I know it’s tough but once you appreciate yourself, appreciate the person you are, things get much better and the love affair begins. I have learnt to embrace my fears and pains. I have learnt to look at my tears and I do not wipe them, in fact, I watch them fall, I feel the pain in my heart, I see how much I can actually cry for someone. I’m not crying because I’m weak I’m crying because I’ve been strong for too long and once I’m done, I’m done. The tears will not flow again, even though the pain lingers.
This is what connects that I’m broken yet beautifully imperfect.
Being betrayed by the one you love is the worst feeling in the world. I think anyone who opened their heart enough to love without restraint and subsequently were devastated by loss knows that in that moment you are forever changed; a apart of you is no longer whole. Some will never again love with that level of abandon where life is perceived as innocent and the threat of loss seems implausible. Love and loss, therefore, are linked. Only after a person has their heart broken does the world appear as it truly is. The pain started years ago, but I’d lived with it for so long at that point that I’d accepted it as an inevitable part of me. I know that’s what people say– you’ll get over it. I’d say it, too. But I know it’s not true. Oh, youll be happy again, never fear. But you won’t forget. Every time you fall in love it will be because something in the man reminds you of him.When I fell in love; I remained the same person; I was before love. In fact I came to know who I am, when in love. But to my surprise, falling out of love was different. I was no more ‘Me’. I knew and I used to believe that you don’t make love; In fact its’ love that makes you. But love sometimes breaks you, and that too in the finest parts. Even if you try to gather those parts and make a ‘new of you’, it will always be ‘a new of you’ not ‘the same you’. so I don’t say I miss him or I miss my lost love but for sure I miss ‘Me’.I miss the person I used to be when in love.
It has been said that time heals all wounds, I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time the mind protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue, and the pain lessens, but is never gone.
The reality is you will grieve forever, you will not get over the loss or the betrayal of a loved one but you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same again. Nor should you be the same. Nor should you want to.
We always want things to stay the same. The same house, the same friends. Of course that’s not something that is going to happen. It’s one of those things people say. You can’t move on until you let go of your past. Letting go is the easy part, it’s the moving on that’s painful. So sometimes we fight it, trying to keep things the same. Things can’t stay the same though, at some point you just have to let it go. Move on. Because no matter how painful it is, it’s the only way we grow.
There is a phrase ‘ Don’t pet the lion’. We all have heard the warnings and we’ve ignored them. We push our luck. We roll the dice. We play with fire. It’s human nature when we’re been told not to touch something we usually do, even if we know better. Maybe because deep down we are just asking for trouble.
You can seek the advice of others, surround yourself with trusted advisors, but in the end, the decision is always yours and yours alone. And when it’s time to act and you are all alone with your back against the wall, the only voice that matters is the one in your head, the one telling you what you already probably knew. The one that’s almost always right. you
There are times in our lives when love does conquer all, exhaustion, sleep deprivation, anything. And then there are those times when it seems like love brings us nothing but pain. We are always looking for ways to ease the pain. Sometimes we ease the pain by making the best if what we have. Sometimes is by losing ourselves in the moment as and sometimes all we need to do to ease the pain is call a simple truce.
As babies, we were easy. One cry meant you were hungry, another meant you were tired. It’s only as adults that we become difficult. They start to hire feelings, put walls. It gets to the point where we don’t really know what anyone thinks or feels. Without meaning to, we become masters of disguise.
What happens when a problem doesn’t fix? You are suddenly on your own, unexpected, with about a thousand paths to choose from. So, what do you do? How do you decide when you’re left in the dark? How do you make sure you are not making the worst mistake? You close your eyes, you block out everyone and everything around you, and pray the voice inside you is right, because once you decided you can’t ever go back.
Do you know who you are? Do you know what’s happened to you? Do you want to live this way? All it takes is one person, one moment to change your life forever. It can change your perspective, color your thinking. One moment that forces you to reevaluate everything you think you know. To make yourself ask the toughest of questions.
There’s a stage you go through in childbirth and it’s the toughest part. It’s called the transition stage. You’ve been pushing so hard and so long. You’re exhausted, spent and there’s nothing to show for all of your effort. During this transition stage, it feels like you can’t go on but it’s because you’re very nearly there. Transition is movement from one part of a life to a whole new one. And it can feel like one long, scary, dark tunnel. But you have to come out the other side. Because what’s been waiting there, might be glorious.
Do you know that your tailbone used to be your tail, and that pink part in the corner of your eye used to be a third eyelid. The appendix used to help us digest tough foods but now it does nothing. The story of our evolution is the story of what we leave behind, what we’ve discarded. Our bodies only hang on to the things we absolutely need. The things we no longer need, we give up. We let go. Why does it feel so good to get rid of things? To unload, to let go. Maybe because when we see how little we actually need to survive, it makes us realize how powerful we actually are to strip down to only what we need, to hang on only to what we can’t do without, what we need, not just to survive, but to thrive.
We’ve all done things we aren’t proud of. I understand that. I know nobody’s perfect. But how do you live with it? How do you get up every morning and face the world knowing you could have done better? That you should have done better. Is being sorry enough? Can an apology actually heal our wounds, ease our pain? Can it undone the hurt that we’ve caused?
How do you beat the odds when it’s one against a billion. You stand strong, keep pushing yourself past all rational limits and never let yourself give up. But the truth of the matter is, despite how hard you try and fight to stay in control, when it’s all said and done, sometimes you’re just outnumbered.
No matter what, once in your life someone will hurt you. That someone will take all that you are, and rip it into pieces and they won’t even watch where the pieces land. But through the breakdown you will learn something about yourself. You’ll learn that you’r strong, and no matter how hard they destroy you, that you can conquer anyone.
It’s beautiful when you find someone that is in love with your mind. Someone that wants to undress you’r conscience, and make love to your thoughts. Someone that wants to watch you slowly bring down all the walls you’ve built up around your mind and let them inside.
Sex is always about emotions. Good sex is about free emotions; bad sex is about blocked emotions.
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go it’s pretty damn good.
Amazing sex stays with you. It soaks into your skin. It floats through your dreams and has you silently smoldering with delicious remembrances for hours after. It has you craving it days later. And it has you aching for it if you don’t get it for awhile.
“Having a baby is like getting a tattoo on your face. You really need to be certain it’s what you want before you commit.”
“We search for happiness everywhere, but we are like Tolstoy’s fabled beggar who spent his life sitting on a pot of gold, under him the whole time. Your treasure–your perfection–is within you already. But to claim it, you must leave the commotion of the mind and abandon the desires of the ego and enter into the silence of the heart.”
Dying changes everything. There’s the emotional fallout, sure. But there’s also the practical stuff. Who’s going to do your job? Who’s going to take care of your family? The only good thing for you is you don’t have to worry about it. People you never knew will be living in your house, working your job. The world just keeps on going… without you. They say death is hardest on the living. It’s tough to actually say goodbye. Sometimes it’s impossible. You never really stop feeling the loss. It’s what makes things so bittersweet. We leave little bits of ourselves behind, little reminders, a lifetime of memories, photos, trinkets, things to remember us by… even when we’re gone.
There’s no shame in simply being human. It can be a relief to stop hiding, to accept who you really are. A little self-awareness never hurt anyone. Because when you know who you are, it’s easier to know what you’re about, what you really need.
I love this time of the year, almost everyone does.
There is a certain sense of hope and renewal in the air and it’s all got to do with new beginnings. The mood is injected with zing, all the way. Some things never come back. The Triggered Bullet, The Spoken Word, The Wasted Time, The Neglected Opportunity.
EVERY END IS A NEW BEGINNING.
I look at everything as a lesson, I don’t want to walk around angry. There are things we don’t want to happen, but have to accept. People we can’t live without but have to let go.