Beautifully Imperfect

There are times I feel I’m just like an imperfect mosaic piece in a world of perfect masterpieces.
How many times have I asked myself – What the hell has happened to me? What was my fault?
I want to move forward, but there is something holding me back.
The one who was supposed to hold me when I fall has turned his back and walked, in fact, ran away.
How much can I blame myself when it isn’t my fault.
I know that I’m beautiful and brave. I have learnt to love myself. I know it’s tough but once you appreciate yourself, appreciate the person you are, things get much better and the love affair begins. I have learnt to embrace my fears and pains. I have learnt to look at my tears and I do not wipe them, in fact, I watch them fall, I feel the pain in my heart, I see how much I can actually cry for someone. I’m not crying because I’m weak I’m crying because I’ve been strong for too long and once I’m done, I’m done. The tears will not flow again, even though the pain lingers.
This is what connects that I’m broken yet beautifully imperfect.


Being Betrayed in Love.

Being betrayed by the one you love is the worst feeling in the world. I think anyone who opened their heart enough to love without restraint and subsequently were devastated by loss knows that in that moment you are forever changed; a apart of you is no longer whole. Some will never again love with that level of abandon where life is perceived as innocent and the threat of loss seems implausible. Love and loss, therefore, are linked. Only after a person has their heart broken does the world appear as it truly is. The pain started years ago, but I’d lived with it for so long at that point that I’d accepted it as an inevitable part of me. I know that’s what people say– you’ll get over it. I’d say it, too. But I know it’s not true. Oh, youll be happy again, never fear. But you won’t forget. Every time you fall in love it will be because something in the man reminds you of him.When I fell in love; I remained the same person; I was before love. In fact I came to know who I am, when in love. But to my surprise, falling out of love was different. I was no more ‘Me’. I knew and I used to believe that you don’t make love; In fact its’ love that makes you. But love sometimes breaks you, and that too in the finest parts. Even if you try to gather those parts and make a ‘new of you’, it will always be ‘a new of you’ not ‘the same you’. so I don’t say I miss him or I miss my lost love but for sure I miss ‘Me’.I miss the person I used to be when in love.

Does time heal all wounds ??

It has been said that time heals all wounds, I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time the mind protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue, and the pain lessens, but is never gone.

Is it good to grieve forever ??

The reality is you will grieve forever, you will not get over the loss or the betrayal of a loved one but you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same again. Nor should you be the same. Nor should you want to.

Change is the only thing constant.

We always want things to stay the same. The same house, the same friends. Of course that’s not something that is going to happen. It’s one of those things people say. You can’t move on until you let go of your past. Letting go is the easy part, it’s the moving on that’s painful. So sometimes we fight it, trying to keep things the same. Things can’t stay the same though, at some point you just have to let it go. Move on. Because no matter how painful it is, it’s the only way we grow.

I guess at times we are just like that.

There is a phrase ‘ Don’t pet the lion’. We all have heard the warnings and we’ve ignored them. We push our luck. We roll the dice. We play with fire. It’s human nature when we’re been told not to touch something we usually do, even if we know better. Maybe because deep down we are just asking for trouble.

Your inner voice

You can seek the advice of others, surround yourself with trusted advisors, but in the end, the decision is always yours and yours alone. And when it’s time to act and you are all alone with your back against the wall, the only voice that matters is the one in your head, the one telling you what you already probably knew. The one that’s almost always right. you

Is this thing called Love worth the effort ??

There are times in our lives when love does conquer all, exhaustion, sleep deprivation, anything. And then there are those times when it seems like love brings us nothing but pain. We are always looking for ways to ease the pain. Sometimes we ease the pain by making the best if what we have. Sometimes is by losing ourselves in the moment as and sometimes all we need to do to ease the pain is call a simple truce.

Are we the masters of disguise ??

As babies, we were easy. One cry meant you were hungry, another meant you were tired. It’s only as adults that we become difficult. They start to hire feelings, put walls. It gets to the point where we don’t really know what anyone thinks or feels. Without meaning to, we become masters of disguise.

What happens when a problem does not fix ??

What happens when a problem doesn’t fix? You are suddenly on your own, unexpected, with about a thousand paths to choose from. So, what do you do? How do you decide when you’re left in the dark? How do you make sure you are not making the worst mistake? You close your eyes, you block out everyone and everything around you, and pray the voice inside you is right, because once you decided you can’t ever go back.

Do you know who you are ??

Do you know who you are? Do you know what’s happened to you? Do you want to live this way? All it takes is one person, one moment to change your life forever. It can change your perspective, color your thinking. One moment that forces you to reevaluate everything you think you know. To make yourself ask the toughest of questions.

17th January 2016

There’s a stage you go through in childbirth and it’s the toughest part. It’s called the transition stage. You’ve been pushing so hard and so long. You’re exhausted, spent and there’s nothing to show for all of your effort. During this transition stage, it feels like you can’t go on but it’s because you’re very nearly there. Transition is movement from one part of a life to a whole new one. And it can feel like one long, scary, dark tunnel. But you have to come out the other side. Because what’s been waiting there, might be glorious.

16th January 2016

Do you know that your tailbone used to be your tail, and that pink part in the corner of your eye used to be a third eyelid. The appendix used to help us digest tough foods but now it does nothing. The story of our evolution is the story of what we leave behind, what we’ve discarded. Our bodies only hang on to the things we absolutely need. The things we no longer need, we give up. We let go. Why does it feel so good to get rid of things? To unload, to let go. Maybe because when we see how little we actually need to survive, it makes us realize how powerful we actually are to strip down to only what we need, to hang on only to what we can’t do without, what we need, not just to survive, but to thrive.

15th January 2015

We’ve all done things we aren’t proud of. I understand that. I know nobody’s perfect. But how do you live with it? How do you get up every morning and face the world knowing you could have done better? That you should have done better.  Is being sorry enough? Can an apology actually heal our wounds, ease our pain? Can it undone the hurt that we’ve caused?

13th January 2016

No matter what, once in your life someone will hurt you. That someone will take all that you are, and rip it into pieces and they won’t even watch where the pieces land. But through the breakdown you will learn something about yourself. You’ll learn that you’r strong, and no matter how hard they destroy you, that you can conquer anyone.

7th January 2016

“We search for happiness everywhere, but we are like Tolstoy’s fabled beggar who spent his life sitting on a pot of gold, under him the whole time. Your treasure–your perfection–is within you already. But to claim it, you must leave the commotion of the mind and abandon the desires of the ego and enter into the silence of the heart.”

5th January 2016

When we follow our hearts, when we choose not to settle, it’s funny. Isn’t it? A weight lifts, the sun shines a little brighter, and for a brief moment, we find a little peace.

4th January 2016

Dying changes everything. There’s the emotional fallout, sure. But there’s also the practical stuff. Who’s going to do your job? Who’s going to take care of your family? The only good thing for you is you don’t have to worry about it. People you never knew will be living in your house, working your job. The world just keeps on going… without you. They say death is hardest on the living. It’s tough to actually say goodbye. Sometimes it’s impossible. You never really stop feeling the loss. It’s what makes things so bittersweet. We leave little bits of ourselves behind, little reminders, a lifetime of memories, photos, trinkets, things to remember us by… even when we’re gone.

2nd January 2016

It can be scary to find out you’ve been wrong about something but we can’t be afraid to change our minds, to accept that things are different, that they’ll never be the same, for better or for worse. We have to be willing to give up what we used to believe. The more we’re willing to accept what is and not what we thought, we’ll find ourselves exactly where we belong.

Happy New Year – 1st January 2016

I love this time of the year, almost everyone does.

There is a certain sense of hope and renewal in the air and it’s all got to do with new beginnings. The mood is injected with zing, all the way. Some things never come back. The  Triggered Bullet, The Spoken Word, The Wasted Time, The Neglected Opportunity.



30th December 2015

I look at everything as a lesson, I don’t want to walk around angry. There are things we don’t want to happen, but have to accept. People we can’t live without but have to let go.

29th December 2015

Sometimes the pain is so much that you refuse to acknowledge it. You feel numb. You have somehow escaped from your body and now you’re a casual observer to this unfolding tragedy.

28th December 2015

I have crawled inside this cacoon from which I don’t want to come out. I’m hiding there. I like hiding there. The same way I like hiding in the nowhere relationships with men I don’t love. I can be happy. I deserve to be happy. But I’m afraid.

27th December 2015

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…”

26th December 2015

“I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.”


25th December 2015

There’s cheater and then there’s cheaters you know? They say men have only one switch and are therefore the uncomplicated species. So for a woman to understand why they cheat should be a simple task. Men have needs, Yes, but I should like to know what ‘they’ imagine women have, if not those exact same needs.

Sure everybody slips up. Deception and Instant gratification have become as natural as anything in our ‘easy does it’ lives. But I’d like to believe that some things, like a relationship between two people, can still stay sacrosanct.

According to me, trust, honesty and respect are the three things that prop up a good relationship and if even one cracks the relationship will topple. Trust once lost is hard to regain, let alone regain in the same way. Explanations, justifications and apologies can placate you temporarily, but that tiny niggle that has now set up shop in the back of your head will never ever really go away.

People rarely change and even if it was a onetime thing, being betrayed by someone closest to you runs deep and has the potential to drip into your other relationships too. You may forgive him, even forget, but the second-guessing will ruin the relationship eventually. You’d best part ways at the earliest and minimise heartbreak.


20th December 2015

132715168Being single for most women especially at 36, when most women think of a husband, home and babies, is a whole lot of moping around and complaining but for me it is living a complete life till the right person comes along.

I broke up almost 5 years ago from a long and steady relationship of 11 years. The relationship had fizzled out and had died a long time back but I still kept lingering onto it for fear of being miserable of dealing with the immense and excruciating pain of losing the most important person in my life.

But once I let go I found the greatest gift of all – Loving myself first. When we love someone, we forget that not only should we always place ourselves first but it is also about being loved back equally. 

Love is eternal, love is meant to make us grow, love is meant to make us safe and secure, love is meant to give us the power to renew us, and most of all love is fidelity. 

Most of us want to ‘get into’ or ‘hang onto’ what we think is love or what gives us immediate comfort because we are scared of facing ourselves alone.

Ever thought how can someone else enjoy our company if we ourselves can’t spend an evening with us alone. Taking a break and being single is a great way to begin the self-healing process. It takes time but I realized that we have to take charge of our lives and most of all get over of being in the constant feeling of being unloved.

Sadly many people enter lifelong relationships where love fades away and it’s nothing but a companionship of conveniences without growing in its inner dimensions. That is something I didn’t want. I want a love that is real, love that is emotionally quenching, love that is  …….. well Love.

And how am I ever going to get all that if I am a walking psychologically disturbed emotional time bomb? I believe that it is unfair to dump our insecurities on an unsuspecting person and then expecting them to quench our love led demands. Ultimately, out of unlimited expectations relationships fall apart and people end up thinking love is a losing game.

It is a difficult but a great feeling by loving yourself, only when you can fill yourself up can you give anyone anything.

God is kind, he will keep sending you love in the form of family, friends, pets, books, work etc. As writer Paulo Coehlo said, “Close the door, change the record, clean the house ………. stop being who you were! Become who you are.”